What a bad day!!!

Well, I'm still grieving our baby. I'm trying to move on and cry to get past it, but as you all have heard before, "It will take time"! I don't cry as much as I should. I don't have time. We are now working on the Christmas play and it is crunch time. Yesterday, I wanted to cry all day, but we had rehearsal till 1pm and then my husband helped his brother insulate their house while I worked with a friend on sewing costumes. I cut and she sewed.


So, today we go to church. My brother in law Josh, teaches our SS class. He showed a quick clip called"the bridge". A Dad loses his son to save a whole train full of people and that got me a little and then later it showed a mom walk by with her baby girl... and that was it. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. The tears poured. I handed Jeremy my coffee and got up and Josh was standing at the door so he opened it quick. I was so embarrassed and wanted out.


I walked down the hall got some tissues and Jeremy followed behind. He held me and I sobbed and we talked. "I wonder what it was, what they would have been like, how their voice would have sounded." "why now, when I want a baby most of all, we tried for a year."


My sweet husband has no idea what to say. There is nothing to say. He can't fix it, just remind me God is in control and He knows best and it's ok to hurt and cry.


Afterward I waited for the class to pretty much clear out and went in to get my purse and coat. Josh was in the back and stopped to talk to me. Poor Josh, He felt bad and apologized, I felt bad and apologized. We both told each other not to be sorry. lol. It went with his lesson which unfortunately I missed. I was afraid to go back in and start up again in case he referred to that video clip. So Jeremy and I went to the auditorium in Pastor's class and sat in the back.


Josh said he was hoping it wouldn't affect me but was afraid it might. He gave me a hug and said he was sorry any of this was happening. Which meant a lot. He and Amy and all our family really have just been so understanding through it all. Josh and Amy haven't had a miscarriage but did have to wait 10 years to have their first child so they know a little about heart ache.




But in the wondrous words of my brilliant 6 year old.....


"Mommy, I know you're sad about the baby,but you still have us." Of course she made me cry again. I just hugged her and said, "You are so right. I love you so much."